Sunday, 16 March 2014

Review: Nothing - Guilty of Everything

I'm just going to get this out of the way, this is technically a blackgaze album. Think of something like deafheaven, but not. If you're turned away by that thought already, shut your mouth and read this thing anyways!

EDIT: Well, never fucking mind, they don't even identify as black metal. Damn you Metal Injection!

Part of me looks at this and thinks, "Relapse Records are just trying to find the next deafheaven, aren't they? Trying to cash in on a fad? Remember what happened last time you did that? You unleashed the waves of copycat shit known as metalcore, deathcore and nu-metal!" I have nothing wrong with any of those subgenres as they have their interesting bands, hell, metalcore is what got me into metal in the first place, but enough is enough guys! Let someone be unique for once, please!

They could change their logo to this!

Monday, 3 March 2014

Review: Babymetal - Babymetal

"What the fuck is Babymetal? Seriously, what the fuck is happening here?" That's what my initial reaction sounded like. Basically, they're a JPop trio that sings and dances to instrumental stuff ranging from electro to symphonic death metal. It's so bizarre and out there that you can't help but be intrigued. All three girls dress up in gothic dresses which makes it a little creepy because the oldest one is 16, they don't have any sort of distorted vocals and this shouldn't sound good in any sort of way. Hell, even in all the comments I've seen about this, most people think it's so crazy that not even the most extreme metalheads can't get into it.

So how the hell did it get to #1 on the Canadian iTunes metal chart?

Thursday, 20 February 2014

Review: Behemoth - The Satanist

Yes, it's a day late. Well guess what, I'm in university, I've got midterms and not much time. But I love you bastards enough to write a proper review.


Behemoth is back! And they're back to their black metal roots, moving away from death metal a bit for the majority of the album and experimenting a bit. And this one's extra special because it's the first album since the lead vocalist and rhythm guitarist Nergal was put on trial for ripping a Bible in Poland in 2010 and being diagnosed with leukemia the same year. He's since beaten leukemia after getting a bone marrow transplant, and now he's written some of the angriest material Behemoth has ever played. Now, are you ready for some face melting?

Monday, 3 February 2014

Review: Primal Fear - Delivering The Black

What time is Mr. Wolf? It's time for you to shut the fuck up and listen to some powah metal! YEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!


I haven't done a power metal review yet, so I figured, "Why not?" And it isn't because fuck all came out this week. What'd I think? You cheeky little bastard, I'm not telling you right away this time! Read for once in your goddamn life.

Monday, 27 January 2014

Review: Permanence - Deathmøle

It's nice to be back, doing real reviews again. "We don't care!" you say? Well, fuck you very much, anonymous (and quite possibly non-existent) commenter. I don't care if you read these or not, I do them mostly for myself. But tell your friends, maybe I can actually make a couple of cents from this thing!

For the uninitiated, Deathmole (stupid Blogger, won't let me put in accents, grrr) is a one man band by Jeph Jacques of Questionable Content fame. Holy crap, the guy that make a webcomic that used to be about music no one's ever heard of is now making music no one's ever going to listen to! I kid Jeph, I kid, please don't do another Handelore thing because of me.